I Speak Roughly, or On the Notches on my Bedpost

Nagging sense that I must explain the crassness of the previous post. But also that the phrases used amount to more than merely enumeration, cataloguing. Or rather that they do not and the this speaks to the intentions of the post. Clearly, some ambivalence.

Yet, this is all because I'm anticipating an audience. Trying to drum one up (the usual signs).

But this is odd considering only the other day I told RBU that I could not divulge the address of my blog. Yet the real reason, that here I'd disclosed how I'd fucked her friend LP. And she is just becoming friends with LP again, so it'd be best for them to get along again. And RBU needs the friends. She's gliding right now, safely, across the difficulties of life, supported by numerous, I imagine, sexual encounters and the numerous attentions of men less savory than myself. But those difficulties will reapproach, when these distractions pass.

You can see though, that my real pleasure is in the recounting of betrayal. That I fucked not only one of her friends (LP, #13), but both of them (also LR, #9). And that this desired woman (LP, #13) was the object of the affections of two of my close male friends. To maximize the pleasure, let me say more about it.

First, LR (#9). She has a name like a moviestar. LR was/is stupid. Lovely, very friendly, sympathetic, understanding. But dumb as a rock. Hadn't read a book to save her life. In fact, she came to the hospital the day I was discharged. I paid her back my fucking both of her friends. But LR loved to fuck. The first night I brought her home, she sat on my face and took my cock in her mouth and sucked until she was ready to climb aboard. And it really was climbing because again she's a diminutive (both in stature and in voice ... as well as in intelligence) 5' Korean-Puerto Rican girl. And I'm part of the older generation, which is to say, tall. And we fucked our drunkiness away.

And our relationship, which really lasted only a month or so until I went to Italy for the summer, was just about the sex. What could I possibly have to say to her? Believe me, I tried. But it was just best with a lot of sex. And despite her small body, we had wonderful sex. That was the spring, early summer of 2001.

When I got back in the fall, after having met women in Tübingen and then Cøpenhagen (Carolina, the large-chested shrill screamer, #10), things resumed with LR, but only until I met KHG, and I dropped LR like a bad habit. In fact, started making out with KHG (#11) at a party where LR was (although I can say I didn't arrive with her--although I did get a ride home with her).

Two years later, after KHG kicked me to the curb right as I was taking on the largest wave of a serious, vital depression, I finally got over the sick desire to direct all of my cum to KHG by fucking LR. Seriously, I wouldn't allow myself to fantasize about anyone other than KHG while masturbating. So LR comes along and we have sex. Which was sweet medicine for my wounded soul (albeit too late). That was the fall of 2003. And shortly thereafter, I get thrown in the psychiatric inpatient ward. But not before meeting RBU, one night while out with LR. And as I've said in other posts, she impressed me as a woman I wanted to be with. And in a few weeks after getting out of the hospital, I was (and continue to be immodestly proud of it as well).

As for LR. She won't talk to me anymore, although we see each other at LP(#13)'s parties. Something happened where apparently I said something, which I cannot recall. I swore that I did not say it. Something about love and whatnot.

The numbers are supposed to be funny, you know.

Actually, I feel somewhat bad, because LR was there at such a vital point in my life, namely, when I got out to the hospital, that our friendship has come to nothing. Yet, it was really based on nothing. And despite how much I tried to overlook her cognitive shortcomings, I simply needed things that she would never be able to provide me--namely, as a friend. We could never really talk. And there was a time when that was fine. But ...